Slanted Science

UPDATE: NOW WITH VIDEO!!! CLICK THIS LINK FOR HOT BAT-ON-BAT ACTION!

Wow. Now this is what research is all about!

A group of (creepy?) scientists have used infra-red cameras to watch bats having sex. And their discovery? The horrible little critters love nothing more than to introduce a bit of mouthplay into the act. We’re just really hoping this doesnt’t extend to vampire bats…

The head boffin, Libiao Zhang, and his group (working at the Guangdong Entymological Institute in China) were studying the mating behavior of short-nosed fruit bats. They recreated the bats’ natural habitat inside their labs, and then filmed the unsuspecting creatures going about their filthy nocturnal business.

As expected, the male bats built sturdy nests, while both sexes groomed each other (presumably while muttering the bat equivalent of “I’m not having sex with you looking like this. Have you run a comb through this hair in the last month? Honestly, your hygeine standards are like those of a pipistrelle.“)

What wasn’t expected was this: during coitus, the female bats reached their heads around and licked their male’s genitals. Go back and read that again, it won’t change.

Less surprisingly, the males seem to love it: every second of oral action during intercourse made the male stay inside his mate for an additional six seconds.

Always looking for an answer (beyond the obvious “Because it’s fricking awesome“), the scientists have several suggestions for this behavior, including stopping other females from getting access to the male, protection against sexually transmitted diseases, and increasing lubrication.

So there you go: oral sex is an ancient and glorious tradition, which may well have biological usefulness.

Feel free to print that sentence out and hand it to your wife.

Don’t Hold Your Breath, But This May Lead To: oh, come on! We have genuinely no clue on this one. Perhaps the discovery of a pair of T Rex fossils, captured forever in the act of fellatio?

Speaking of breath holding and oral sex (smooth link, eh?), we have found the product below for your……pleasure? Neck strengthening exercises? Extremely embarrassing explanation in the ER?

Anyway, if you hurry, you could be the first reviewer at Amazon! Just make sure you don’t post the review using the “Real Name” feature.

Enjoy!

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