Slanted Science

We are once again in debt to Eric Spitler for the accompanying image. Why not go and check the fellow out at EricSpitler.com?

The FDA is a marvelous institution. Just look at their recent efforts to stamp out the con artists producing useless swine flu cures. But sometimes they go beyond their remit.

Yes, we would like to be protected from scamsters. Yes, we would prefer it if new drugs were thoroughly tested before we were prescribed them.

But do we want you telling us that we can’t have a couple of Red Bull/Jaegermeister DeathBombs on a Friday night? We. Do. Not.

Read on, as we tell you how the FDA is planning to crash our party.

So, here’s the deal. Attorneys General from various states wrote to the FDA a couple months ago, asking them to consider the moral and legal aspects of allowing companies to produce caffeinated alcoholic beverages.

Their letter, to quote CNN, referenced the fact that:

One study done last year found usage to be nearly 30 percent among college students, in whom the beverages are associated with “heavy episodic drinking and episodes of weekly drunkenness.”

What? Students are indulging in heavy drinking and “episodes of weekly drunkenness”? This is astounding news, absolutely unbelievable. Next they’ll be revealing that animals of the genus Ursus regularly defecate in forested areas.

The basis for this challenge to the drinks’ legality is that the caffeine can mask the effects of the alcohol. Thus, they claim, people may be over the limit but so energized by the caffeine that they believe they are okay to drive, climb tall buildings or punch strangers in the neck.

So, pretty much the same as booze alone, really.

This is the sort of mothering government we really don’t like. There are already laws which restrict alcoholic drinks to those over the age of 21. Surely, by this age people are able to decide whether or  not they would like to combine two legal, OTC drugs in any way they wish. We, for example, like to spend our weekends in a haze of  Robitussin NightTime and Dulcolax. It hurts nobody.

Well, our dry cleaners are pretty offended, but it ain’t gonna kill them, right?

Anyway, our point is this: while we would rather drink a 50:50 mixture of bleach and hobo piss before these horrible caffeinated concoctions, we do not see why they should be banned from sale to the nation’s Frat Houses. Because if there’s one thing we hate more than unnecessary  Government interference in the details of our lives, it’s seeing the country’s 20-somethings sadly unable to get wasted on Irish coffees.

Don’t Hold Your Breath, But This May Lead To: Well, if we were Glenn Beck, we might have said “the government telling you the dates and times you are allowed to make love to your wife”.

Happily, we have a concept of “logic”  which is better developed than that of a squid, so our answer is this: nothing. We believe, and hope, that the FDA will realize that this is not a worthwhile, nor enforcable, use of their time.

Hey, why not check out some tasty beer glasses: click here to look at them on Amazon.com. Remember, though, don’t mix booze with coffee!