Slanted Science

What is it with Peruvians and the theft of body parts? Coming just a couple of months after someone stole a lung from a Bodies anatomical show touring the country comes this news:

Peruvian police have busted a gang which has been murdering people, rendering their bodies and then selling the extracted fat for use in cosmetics.

What the hell happened to good old fashioned bank robbery and extortion?

Deep in the Peruvian jungle, in the remote province of Huánuco, people have been going missing; at least 60 this year. Meanwhile, in big cities the world over, women’s faces have been liberally smeared with daily applications of creams which promise eternal youth.

The connection? Well, according to reports, those ladies may well have been rubbing the fat of murdered Peruvian peasants into their skin.

It is alleged that Hilarió Cudeña Simon, arrested last week by local police, was the leader of a criminal gang whose income was derived from the sale of murder victims’ body fat. Possibly to cosmetics companies.

Also now in custody are Serapio Marcos Veramendi and Enedina Este, who were nabbed while standing at a bus stop, holding human fat in a soda bottle. Unconfirmed reports suggest the suspects tried to talk their way out of the arrest:

What, this? Oh, it’s just a delicious jungle soft drink brewed from guava, passionfruit and…shit like that. Oh, officer, you and your human fat theories…LOL! What’s that? Prove it by drinking some? I…er…look, just take me in.

Here’s a video of the Associated Press’s take on these shenanigans:

So how did this all go down? The New York Times reports how the Peruvian perverts drained fat from corpses. This ain’t pretty.

Colonel Mejía [chief of Perus's anti-kidnapping police squad] said [suspected gang member Elmer Segundo Castillejos] had told officers that the gang would cut off its victims’ heads, arms and legs, remove the organs, and then suspend the torsos from hooks above candles that warmed the flesh as the fat dripped into tubs below.

Good god! Have they never heard of Crisco?

As well as stored bottles of human fat, the Peruvian police also found human bones in the criminals’ camps. Charges, including murder and possession of illegal firearms, are pending.

Don’t Hold Your Breath, But This May Lead To: doubtless, the next Hollywood craze. No longer content with snatching babies from impoverished countries to raise as their own in a loving and protective family environment, we predict that the stars will now be stealing poor people to use as mobile cosmetics supplies. Expect to see the odd Peruvian or two in appearing in Madonna’s entourage.

We hope that you are more into storing brownish liquids other than human fat. If so, you will want to visit Amazon and look at these beer glasses. If not: bugger off, pervert.

With thanks to Allan Cole, who taught us how to easily embed videos into the site. Here’s a link to the wonderful fellow.

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