Slanted Science

Welcome, one and all, to the second part of SlantedScience‘s slanted look at the science of Christmas.

Today we have a warning about the dangers (or fun, depending on your point of view) of home-baking; a tale of Christmas hysteria; and an alarming tale that’ll have you carefully checking every mouthful you swallow this Yuletide.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Firstly:

Details: “Christmas gingerbread and cheer–review of the potential role of mood elevating amphetamine-like compounds formed in vivo and in furno.” Prague Medical Reports, 2005.
Key Quote:

It was suggested 40 years ago by Alexander Shulgin that these substances act as metabolic precursors of amphetamines…

We’ll bet that during all of those Christmas baking sessions, when you watched your mom cooking up delicious cookies and breads, you never thought that you were witnessing the work of a drugs overlord. Are we right?

Well, think again. It turns out that she was part of a ring of demented speed-merchants, whose baking was a mere front for the production of hardcore pharmaceuticals. We’ll let the boffins explain:

Humans may be exposed to amphetamines derived from precursors during cooking, for example in the preparation of Christmas gingerbread. It is possible that this may be responsible, in part, for uplifting our mood in winter.

As soon as we’re finished with this, we will be calling the police: such brazen production of narcotics by a bunch of apparently innocent old ladies deserves to be punished.

Secondly:

Details: “Post-Christmas blues: a rare case of cyanosis.” Canadian Respiratory Journal, 2001.
Key Quote:

The patient’s transcutaneous oxygen saturation was normal…

So what did cause an 18-year old girl to be urgently referred to the ER with cyanosis (blue skin)? Here’s a clue: this is a photograph taken of the lady shortly after staff cleaned one of her arms with alcohol swabs.

This woman was in fear for her life. Imagine her – and the medical staff’s – surprise as a mere rubbing of alcohol removed all traces of discoloration. What kind of seasonal miracle was this? Was she the second (female) coming of Our Lord And Savior Of All?

No.

Turns out that she had been given a set of blue bed linen as a Christmas present. It must have been a cheap gift, because a couple of days spent within its warm cocoon dyed her body. We’re guessing that there was a very awkward conversation following this visit to the hospital.

As was the case with this next one:

Details: “Small bowel perforation due to a Christmas cake decoration.” British Medical Journal, 1983.
Key Quote:

This case highlights the danger, particularly to those wearing dentures, of decorating food with small sharp objects.

We bring you a warning about the dangers of Christmas cake decorations. No, the miniature snowmen don’t come alive during the night, break into your bedroom and puncture your throat with plastic toothpicks (at least, it isn’t proven that they do).

Rather, their modus operandi is to hide themselves within an inch of frosting and, once ingested with that sugary delight, begin to hack their way out of your guts.

This paper describes the story of one such malicious journey: an 86-year old lady who turned up in the ER with constipation, vomiting and fever. After making a small incision into her abdomen and then poking around for a bit, doctors found that her bowel had been blocked and perforated by…

Well, have a look at one of the photographs taken during the surgery:

Yes, this lady had inadvertently swallowed a decorative robin from a Christmas cake. Be careful out there.

And on that not: a merry Christmas to you all!

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