This story comes to you from The American Institute For Thieving Hypocrites. See, the town of Salem in Massachusetts has – because of its historical association with witches – become home to many people selling “psychic readings” and similar bullshit as a way of stealing money from gullible tourists.
Just as the Christians in Lourdes give donate use little bits of wood and water to steal money from desperate people, so this colony of filth in Salem spend their days conning the cash from innocents.
Sadly, some of these greedy liars in Salem are now getting upset that there are too many psychics setting up shop in the city, taking a share of their hard-earned income. Oh, how we weep. Read on for details of ways in which you can help these poor people in their desperate campaign for proper regulation of psychics cold, hard cash.
The problem is that 4 years ago, the city of Salem’s rulers lifted a cap they had placed on the number of charlatans able to receive an official “psychic license” (aka “license to defraud people overcome with grief“).
Here’s an eyewitness account of the horrors being inflicted upon the established psychic community within Salem. Here is the vomit of words which poured from the mouth of Barbara Szafranski, a “psychic license holder” in Salem who can’t believe that the city is planning to allow an influx of improperly trained mystics and other liars:
It affected me 75%. I lost business because many stores opened up that were not in this field. They just opened up because they wanted to get the money from the readings.
It just becomes a bunch of gypsies.
Holy fuck! Who would have thought that there were people opening up psychic reading stores just to make money. That is so completely opposite to the long-standing psychic readers of Salem, who selflessly dedicate their lives to charging sad people money to hear a few platitudinous lies about their deceased relatives.
And gypsies? Ugh!
Who wants a band of gypsies entering their town and mercilessly extracting money from mentally unstable people while operating under official license from the town council and pretending that they are actually helping the unbalanced weepers? Surely, says Barbara Szafranski, that should be left to those of us callous bastards and bitches who got in on this scam years ago?
In short: Salem, Massachusetts is trading on its history of witches and witchcraft (sidenote: those terms really mean “abuse of women and girls by the town’s men“, but let’s not allow historical accuracy get in the way of a good scam) in order to bring money to the local economy from people missing their dead relatives. The town issues licenses to frauds, the frauds take money from people, the town takes money from the frauds. And now the frauds are upset that too many other frauds are muscling in on their lucrative business of lying and deceiving desperate people.
Well here’s our message to the frauds:
YOUR ARE REPUGNANT FILTH, WHO KNOWINGLY CON/SCAM/DEFRAUD MONEY FROM PEOPLE SO BLINDED BY GRIEF THAT THEY ARE DESPERATE FOR THE TINY AMOUNT OF SOLACE YOU UNCARINGLY HAPPEN TO GIVE THEM. YOU ARE LIARS, YOU ARE CHARLATANS, YOU HAVE NO “PSYCHIC ABILITY” AND YOU CARE ONLY FOR MONEY MADE FROM THESE DECEPTIONS.
Fuck, but we hate psychics.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
While there’re fools, there’s business. Why do you think sports, video games, gutter press, coca-cola, etc, etc, etc, move so much money? Shame I’m too stupid to get on the bandwagon!
There’s a smart lady in Britain who claims she can see dead relatives around anyone she’s talking to after a moment of meaningfully screwing up her eyes. Now she’s touring Europian tv sets revealing to sobbing celebs their departed loved ones’ last words of love, peace and solace. If only someone could explain to me how people get such jobs!
I would say you are not too stupid, just too ethical, to make money from such scams.
you know, i used to hang out at this bar in my town. got to know some of the people reasonably well. one day, just for a joke, i pretended to read some one’s palm. ahhh, but i was younger then and i dressed – differently than most in this town. let’s just say… i looked the part. i made a few comments about this person’s having a long life line or some thing to that effect. and wouldn’t you know it – this person said some thing like, “yeah, that’s true, my grand father’s still alive” or some thing to the effect of indicating longevity in that person’s family. in short, he bought in to what i said – which was not especially profound. now were i unethical… well, put it this way. i’d be living in a mansion, i’d have summer and winter homes all over the place and a fleet of cars each with its own chauffeur, and more. (more material things, that is). ahh, morals. damnable things. how they do get in the way of making money based on the stuff of softly spoken nothings and the sliest of whispers carried by the wings of lies…..