Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category
Dr Ozzy? Newspaper Signs Ozzy Osbourne As Health Adviser
June 9th, 2010 | 
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We have a list of all the people we would go to for medical advice if we were struck down by some catastrophic illness.
Anybody at Johns Hopkins – right down to the janitorial staff – is at the top.
Our list then moves onto the Cleveland Clinic, the Mayo Clinic, and continues all the way down to the West Mississippi Regional Center For Acupuncture And Mystical Healing (great place, lovely people).
After that, the list gets a little more personal : next up is Dr Phil, then Dr Oz, then Dr Dre.
Thousands of entries later, after Charles Manson, after the guy who plays a one-stringed guitar at 3 in the morning in our neighborhood park, and after a bag of roasted peanuts, comes our very last resort for medical advice: Mr Ozzy Osbourne.
Well, it seems that we may need to rethink this list: a British newspaper has just hired the rock legend as its new health columnist.
What a shame. We had $5 on them hiring the guy who cleans tables at our local Olive Garden. Read the rest of this entry »
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Plastics: The Next Generation…Made From Feathers?
We all know that humans can’t go on making all sorts of their daily detritus from plastic.
Or rather, from plastic as currently manufactured.
See, most plastic – probably over 95%, if we could be bothered looking on Wikipedia – is currently born from fractions of crude oil. Because this is a non-renewable source of components (thanks, BP, for accelerating its depletion), scientists have begun looking for different ways to make plastics.
The latest idea is using bird feathers to provide the components for manufacturing plastics.
Which has left that guy on the left feeling rather smug. Read the rest of this entry »
Re-Post: Pork Chop Grown In A Lab; Paul McCartney Is “Confused”
We’re not sure why, but everybody is reporting today on the Dutch scientists who have created meat within a lab culture system. First as always, we reported this in November last year. So here’s a re-post for ya:
Great news for vegetarians who miss the taste of meat: in a few years, you may be able to chow down on a slice of bacon or two with a clean conscience. Scientists report today the first ever production of a piece of meat grown entirely in vitro.
Where next with this? May we suggest co-culturing a piece of pork with a pair of pigeon wings? Hey presto: flying pigs. Read the rest of this entry »
Frogs Can Expel Foreign Bodies Through Their Urine
Have you ever had a splinter?
Of course you have. We all have. Normally works its way back out within a day or two, right? Well, imagine if instead of slipping out quietly the way it came in, that little wood chip worked its way into your body – through all the muscle, fat, and past the bones – and exited through your urethra.
Kermit won’t be smiling for long.
Look At This: Hot Video Of Duck Penises Ejaculating!
Some scientists spend their days hunched over a lab bench, trying to find a cure for cancer. We honor them.
Some scientists work endless hours in front of computers, trying to decipher the mysteries of the universe. We respect them.
And some scientists use high-speed cameras to film duck penises shooting out of their owner’s body, corkscrewing down plastic tubes and then uselessly dribbling ejaculate into the air. We love them, and want them to keep doing this forevermore. Read the rest of this entry »
City In North Carolina Bars Democratically Elected Official From Office For Being An Atheist
These are strange times. On the one hand, mankind is photographing individual molecules, smashing space rockets into the moon and flinging together sub-atomic particles in the hope of observing the most fundamental units of our universe.
And on the other: they’re barring a guy from taking elected office in the USA because he doesn’t believe in gods.
Jesus, as they say, wept. Read the rest of this entry »
Pork Chop Grown In A Lab; Paul McCartney Is “Confused”
Great news for vegetarians who miss the taste of meat: in a few years, you may be able to chow down on a slice of bacon or two with a clean conscience. Scientists report today the first ever production of a piece of meat grown entirely in vitro.
Where next with this? May we suggest co-culturing a piece of pork with a pair of pigeon wings? Hey presto: flying pigs. Read the rest of this entry »
Australians Are Saving The World From Burping Sheep
Scientists down under are attempting to eradicate what is, apparently, a world-threatening problem: sheep burps.
They’re trying to breed a strain of sheep which will be less prone to oral flatulence, in the hopes of reducing their country’s contribution to greenhouse gases (in this case, methane).
We suggest that their next target should be the regulars in SlantedScience’s local bar: on the average Friday night, we must burn a hole in the ozone layer as big as Texas. Read the rest of this entry »
Living Off The Fat Of The Land: Peruvian Police Bust Murderous Gang Of Lipid Thieves
What is it with Peruvians and the theft of body parts? Coming just a couple of months after someone stole a lung from a Bodies anatomical show touring the country comes this news:
Peruvian police have busted a gang which has been murdering people, rendering their bodies and then selling the extracted fat for use in cosmetics.
What the hell happened to good old fashioned bank robbery and extortion? Read the rest of this entry »