Slanted Science

Scientific breakthroughs have traditionally been announced to the world at serious, prestigious conferences to an audience of bookish old men dressed in tweed.

So kudos to Douglas Hines, who last week made his big proclamation at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, presumably to an audience of sweaty perverts wearing heavily-stained underpants.

And his revolutionary scientific advance? Why, only a life-sized robotic girlfriend with artificial intelligence and the ability to speak.

What? It was hardly going to be a cure for cancer, now was it? Read the rest of this entry »

When there’s so much serious, life-changing scientific research being done in the world, people often accuse SlantedScience of being obsessed with sex and genitals, like a horny fifteen-year old boy. Partly that’s because we give the majority of stories to local high school kids to write (they’re really cheap), but mostly it’s because when scientists study these subjects they tend to come up with some really bizarre shit.

And after all, it ‘s important that science’s less-exposed areas (such as bats having oral sex and slow-motion video of ehajculating duck penises`) get an airing now and again.

So we come to this: biologists at UC Berkley have just published the results of their work, which show that when a laser is used to shave the tiny spikes off a fruit fly’s penis, the fly was left almost unable to service its female counterparts.

Curing cancer can wait: let’s have more of this, please. Read the rest of this entry »

Have you ever had a splinter?

Of course you have. We all have. Normally works its way back out within a day or two, right? Well, imagine if instead of slipping out quietly the way it came in, that little wood chip worked its way into your body – through all the muscle, fat, and past the bones – and exited through your urethra.

Kermit won’t be smiling for long.

Read the rest of this entry »

Astronomers are predicting that in 2036, an asteroid known as Apophis will be passing close to the earth. Or, according to some models, smashing right into it.

It seems that the chances of a direct collision are high enough to have the head of Russia’s space agency calling for millions of dollars in funding to create a system with the capability of diverting the dangerous rock. Read the rest of this entry »

We won the war. The other great apes – gorillas, orangutans and chimpanzees – put up a good fight in the evolutionary battles, but in the end we were victorious. It’s why we now have iPhones, whereas they are left with whoop-, holler- and buttock-based communication systems.

Well, we have to report that there are humans out there – traitors to our species, one might wish to call them – who are actively teaching apes how to use cigarette lighters. And not in the good, smoky, cancery way either. No, they are teaching these evolutionary losers how to use the lighter to make, and control, their own fires.

May God have mercy on our souls. Read the rest of this entry »

Story Update!

We missed this previously, but feel compelled to bring you the video which accompanies our recent story about female bats giving their mates oral sex during intercourse, in order to keep his genes within her reach, rather than other females’. Read the rest of this entry »

Some scientists spend their days hunched over a lab bench, trying to find a cure for cancer. We honor them.

Some scientists work endless hours in front of computers, trying to decipher the mysteries of the universe. We respect them.

And some scientists use high-speed cameras to film duck penises shooting out of their owner’s body, corkscrewing down plastic tubes and then uselessly dribbling ejaculate into the air. We love them, and want them to keep doing this forevermore. Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome, one and all, to the second part of SlantedScience‘s slanted look at the science of Christmas.

Today we have a warning about the dangers (or fun, depending on your point of view) of home-baking; a tale of Christmas hysteria; and an alarming tale that’ll have you carefully checking every mouthful you swallow this Yuletide.

Merry Christmas everyone! Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes scientists test our faith in their infallibility: see the mess of Climategate for a recent example. Other times, we read a story which makes us want to find the nearest boffin and give them a big old hug.

A sloppy, leering, drunken hug. Read the rest of this entry »

Reports are emerging today from a pilot investigation aimed at giving/restoring sight to the blind.

German surgeons claim they have successfully implanted microchips into the eyes of a 45-year old volunteer. The result: he was able to see well enough to find his way around and to read. Read the rest of this entry »